


TheRealDeadpool posted

by JessJesstheBest



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Spider-Man (Comicverse), Spider-Man/Deadpool - Joe Kelly (Comics)
Genre: Buzzfeed, Canon Compliant, Excessive Use of Pictures, If I used your handle in this fic I'm sorry I'm not very creative, Implied Relationships, M/M, POV Outsider, Social Media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-19 14:28:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17603069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JessJesstheBest/pseuds/JessJesstheBest
Summary: Carly Shep@Spider-buttSooo… has anyone else noticed how cozy Spider-Man and the Merc with a Mouth seem to be lately?(14 retweets, 74 likes)Or theIsn't it Bromanticcomic run from the perspective of in-universe social media.





	TheRealDeadpool posted

**Carly Shep** @Spider-butt ᐧ 6 Jan 2016  
Sooo… has anyone else noticed how cozy Spider-Man and the Merc with a Mouth seem to be lately?  
(14 retweets, 74 likes)

 

 **Gaybot_** @gaybot  
@Spider-butt Gay

 

 **Spiderdick** @thegayspiderman  
@Spider-butt right???? How about this picture of Spidey scaling a building with Deadpool clinging to his back?

 

 **Dr. Thrill** @traincat  
@thegayspiderman @Spider-butt You act like Spidey’s never given someone a lift before???? lol at your pathetic tinhatting

 

 **Carly Shep** @Spider-butt  
Thank you, @gaybot

 

 

 

 

 

## Masked Menace Makes Merry with Marauding Miscreant

 **The Daily Bugle ●** Joe Bazooka, Reporter  
January 12, 2016

Vigilante and webbed nuisance, the spandex clad fellow known as Spider-Man, has recently been seen dallying with known mercenary and all-around bad guy, Deadpool. While recently promoted to the official Avengers register, this reporter doubts the merc’s character, especially when considering the uncomfortable hugging fest committed by Deadpool, shortly after which he and Spider-man had a certain tryst. Said tryst resulted in a car climbing a building, a mass hallucinatory episode, and the confirmation this reporter needed that these men are bad news.

 

 

 

 

 

 **Mrs. Quicksilver** @Time_Witch ᐧ 12 Jan 2016  
we’re all on the same page with red spider-man/black spider-man, right? twitter isn’t going to be weird about this, right?

 

 **Carly Shep** @Spider-butt  
@Time_Witch oh you mean like when twitter was weird about the spider-clones? No, I’m sure it’ll be nothing like that. #Sarcasm

 

 **Mrs. Quicksilver** @Time_Witch  
@Spider-butt kbfkjsbjwbfjbf wtf black spideys gotta be like ten

 

 **Carly Shep** @Spider-butt  
@Time_Witch (ノ￣^￣)ノ︵ ┻━┻

 

 

 

 

 

 **TheRealDeadpool** ✓  
  
[Image: Deadpool taking a selfie in front of a badly damaged Dead-buggy]  
786,618 likes  
**TheRealDeadpool** ✓  She’s taken quite a hit but we can get this girl running again! We gots some super-heroing to do! #Avengers #Deadbuggy #HeySpideyLookAtMe

 **TonyStark** ✓ Get off of instagram you idiot.

 **TheRealDeadpool** ✓ @TonyStark YOU FIRST OLD MAN

 **DeadPussy** One of the best parts of Deadpool going legit is how much it pisses off Tony Stark. For real.

 **fuckyeahantiheroes** good thing pool actually has the money to fix this up. can you imagine a non-merc having to deal with these damages??? lol

 **wymoanna** LOVE YOU WADE!!!!!!!!!

 **Othelle** blood on the windshield. classic.

 **SordidDetailsFollowing** Not to be a tin-hatter but is anyone else seeing the webbing hanging off the side view mirror 👀👀👀

 

 

 

 

 

 **I HAVE TO ASIAN** @pacowang ᐧ 25 Jan 2016  
I had one goal when visiting New York and that was to see Spider-Man. AND I ACTUALLY DID! WHEN I WASN’T EVEN TRYING!  
He helped me find my bus, lol. What a friendly and helpful guy.

 

 

 

 

 

## 7 Places You’ll Probably See Deadpool in New York

 **Buzzfeed** **● Lauren Yapalater  
**January 27, 2016

  1. _The Subway  
_Not every Avenger has a suit that can fly or webs that they can swing around on. Some guys just gotta get from place to place like a normal person. With two huge swords on their back.
  2. _Lupita's Restaurant  
_Listen. This guy. Really loves. Mexican food. Specifically the chimichangas at this local joint in East Harlem. We here at Buzzfeed think Mamasita Bar & Grill has the best chimichangas but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
  3. _Central Park  
_It’s not often you see a superhero in full regalia [just laying down in a patch of grass](https://pre00.deviantart.net/10ab/th/pre/f/2015/141/3/3/deadpool_bliss_wallpaper_by_imzerostar-d8u88sp.png) but twitter user @oliviathecf has seen it. And she’s delivered the goods.
  4. _Avengers Tower  
_Now, we know, this one’s sort of easy given Deadpool actually _is_ an Avenger now but, for those of us who remember when Deadpool was just a fangirl mercenary who worshiped the Avengers, this is kind of a big moment for us.
  5. _Literally any food truck  
_The man has money. He uses that money to patronize local street cuisine. He may be a Canadian import, but we think we can make him a real New Yorker yet.
  6. _Coney Island  
_Now, as far as we know, he’s only been seen there once. But boy. Was it memorable.
  7. _Random City Rooftops  
_Is this a cop out? Maybe. But given the number of times [Deadpool has been photographed](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/5f/3d/ab/5f3dab9dd155b3e6ec7b6d3df8bee4cf.jpg) [with Spider-Man](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/7e/1d/26/7e1d26d8e998ac434cc4a766ca75b2aa--deadpool-humor-deadpool-and-spiderman.jpg) [and the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/51/d5/f8/51d5f87ef34ae51415ff3413247eb3c1.jpg) [patrolling city rooftops](https://www.cheatsheet.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/8085f0adce1a326fdcb228182d553978.jpg), we think this is probably your best bet.



In fact, we’re willing to wager that if you sit on a rooftop near Avenger’s tower with a chimichanga and red spandex, Deadpool may just come to you.

 

 

 

 

 

**Dr-JoanRamirez**

  
[Image: A selfie of a woman with Deadpool, Spider-Man, and Peter Parker]  
387 likes  
**Dr-JoanRamirez** Look who popped in to see a patient! Very cool of Spider-man and one of the Avengers to check in on one of their villains. And thank you to Mr. Peter Parker for helping out with some Parker tech! #Avengers #Heroes #Itsthelittlethings

 **KittKat** Mysterio is a piece of shit but it’s good of Spidey and Pool to check on him

 **haikuhamster** @KittKat How do you know it’s Mysterio?

 **KittKat** @haikuhamster I was there lol. That fucker made me think my parents were dead. Piece. Of. Shit.

 **haikuhamster** @KittKat yikes, I’m sorry! I’m glad he’s not dead though.

 **aturgus** Isn’t this illegal??? Can doctors just give out patient’s information like this???? This doesn’t seem legal

 **Othelle** What’s Parker even doing there? I know Spidey works for him now but why’s he hanging around with Deadpool?

 **haikuhamster** @Othelle conspiracy theory: Peter Parker is Spider-Man but hires someone to pretend to be him so he can make out with Wade and no one will know Wade’s with Spider-Man

 **Othelle** @haikuhamster Yeah, okay. Too bad everyone already thinks Wade and Spidey are boning lol

 **fuckyeahantiheroes** god is deadpool going soft? the wade i know would have killed him

 **DeadPussy** @fuckyeahantiheroes He’s an Avenger now. We better get used to it.

 **SordidDetailsFollowing** Me looking at the space between Deadpool and Spidey like 🔍🔍🔍

 

 

 

 

 

 **billy eichner** ✓ @billyeichner ᐧ 1 Feb 2016  
.@buzzfeed I don’t think DP is a real New Yorker when he drOVE ON THE SIDE OF THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE WHILE THE REST OF US SAT IN TRAFFIC  
(65 Retweets, 2.3K Likes)  
|  
**billy eichner** ✓ @billyeichner  
Do I sound like a jealous bitch? It’s because I’m a jealous bitch.  
(27 Retweets, 976 Likes)

 

 

 

 

 

## Cult of Entropy Eradicated from Small Town in Bolivia

 **The Guardian** **● Laurence Blair  
**Feb. 14, 2016

What was once a drug-addled and crime-overrun region of Bolivia has been infiltrated by interfering vigilantes and now stands as a ruin of its former self. The upheaval and removal of the drug ring known as the ‘Cult of Entropy’ has left many citizens bereft and homeless, however most report a feeling of gratitude toward the hero known as ‘Deadpool’ and his team of mercenaries for liberating them from the influence of the gang. Sightings of the masked vigilante from lower Manhattan, “Spider-man,” continue to remain unverified.

 

 

 

 

 

 **Carly Shep** @Spider-butt ᐧ 14 Feb 2016  
Do y’all consider this a date? 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔   

> Cult of Entropy Eradicated from Small Town in Bolivia  
>  **The Guardian** **● Laurence Blair**

 

  
**Mrs. Quicksilver @Time_Witch**  
@Spider-butt What, international travel? Just you and your crime fighting bro? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ☕

 

 **Carly Shep** @Spider-butt  
@Time_Witch ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 🕷💩 #spideypoolgoabroad

 

 

 

 

 

 **TheRealDeadpool** ✓  
  
[Image: A mirror selfie of Deadpool in his classic costume but with [ a sick green jacket overtop ](https://78.media.tumblr.com/0dfeae72acb555a4b9b9297d09a9570b/tumblr_pf4kxcw1Bn1qf7t40_400.jpg)]  
1,765,632 likes  
**TheRealDeadpool** ✓  Who’s ready to go clubbin’ #CometoHellhouse #Ilookhot #Ikilledamanforthisjacket #justkiddingTonyunclench

 **wymoanna** HAVE FUN TONIGHT WADE! YOU LOOK SO HOT!!!!!!

 **fuckyeahantiheroes** if you didn’t kill someone for that jacket wade where can I get one????

 **TheRealDeadpool** ✓  @fuckyeahantiheroes out of ur price range pal, lol

 **fuckyeahantiheroes  @** TheRealDeadpool  omg

 **Deadpussy** @fuckyeahantiheroes omg

 **fuckyeahantiheroes** @Deadpussy I KNOW

 **TonyStark** ✓ I should have never let you buy a club

 **TheRealDeadpool** ✓ @TonyStark buy my obedience.

 **Othelle** if anyone is in ny tonight, they better be at hellhouse live-tweeting whatever the fuck is about to happen.

 

 

 

 

 

 **Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie ᐧ 13 Mar 2016  
Okay, holy shit, okay. I’m here. I’m at Hellhouse.  
|  
**Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
I’ve never done anything like this. I have no idea what I’m doing. But someone has to live tweet Deadpools night of clubbing and I guess that’s me

 

 **Laurel Girl @** SordidDetailsFollowing  
@armustdie YOU’RE DOING THE LORD’S WORK

 

 **Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
@SordidDetailsFollowing  
  


**Spiderdick** @thegayspiderman  
@armustdie have you seen pool yet?

 

 **Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
@thegayspiderman yeah, he’s been standing outside the club for a while. I went inside, I didn’t wanna look creepy. I have a seat with a good view of the door, though.

 

 **Spiderdick** @thegayspiderman  
@armustdie you’re doing great, babe! Keep us posted! #DeadpoolClubWatch

 

 **Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
@thegayspiderman 👍👍👍👍👍

 

 **Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
Okay, Deadpool just walked in. Shit, but he’s thicc. And he’s got a cute guy with him. #DeadpoolclubWatch

 

 **Carly Shep** @Spider-butt  
@armustdie do you think it could be an unmasked Spider-Man 👀👀👀

 

 **Dr. Thrill** @traincat  
@armustdie @Spider-butt oh my fucking god can you get a grip? you really think spidey would tell DEADPOOL his secret id????

 

 **Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
@Spider-butt @traincat um, not unless Spider-man is black? I’m not one for id spec so I don’t know what the ongoing theory is but I don’t think it’s Spidey unmasked

 

 **Carly Shep** @Spider-butt  
@armustdie bummer. but still, pool out with a hot guy? 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

 

 **Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
@Spider-butt 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

 

 **Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
Pool and mystery guy are at a booth kind of out of my line of sight. I’m gonna try and move. #DeadpoolClubWatch  
|  
**Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
I managed to snag a place at the bar so I can still see them. Let’s hope the bartender doesn’t call me out for stalking! #DeadpoolClubWatch #Idontwannabekickedout

 

 **Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
Oh fuck, guys. This smokin’ hot blonde chick just showed up. Looks like Wade was setting hot chick and hot dude up on a date. #DeadpoolClubWatch #nomanforDeadpool

 

 **Laurel Girl @** SordidDetailsFollowing  
@armustdie possible throuple?

 

 **Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
@SordidDetailsFollowing Nah. Wade’s third wheeling it hard.

 ****  
**Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
Okay y’all, it’s been like an hour and I’ve had to watch hot dude and blond girl flirt like crazy. I think it’s time to call it. #DeadpoolClubWatch  
|  
**Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
Wait. Hold up. Actual Thor just showed up. She’s Deadpool’s date????  
|  
**Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
WAIT! HOLD UP! HOT BLONDE CHICK JUST MORPHED INTO A DEMON THING AND IS FIGHTING THOR  
|  
**Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
JKSBKJBKJBFKSJEBFKJ HOT BLACK GUY WAS ACTUALLY SPIDER-MAN WITH SOME KIND OF CLOAKING DEVICE WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED WHAT

 

 **Spiderdick** @thegayspiderman  
@armustdie IREBGJWFBJFB YOU CAN’T JUST LEAVE IT LIKE THAT

 

 **Carly Shep** @Spider-butt  
@armustdie @thegayspiderman oh my god they fuckin killed them

 

 **Not Fucking Shakespeare** @Othelle  
I know it’s been a couple years but I always forget Thor is a woman now. I for one, accept our female Asgardian overlord.

 

 **Laurel Girl @** SordidDetailsFollowing  
I literally cannot process what is happening right now. #DeadpoolClubWatch

 

 **Spiderdick** @thegayspiderman  
@SordidDetailsFollowing There are just so many things to consider. Did Wade know it was Spidey in disguise when he brought him in? If he didn’t, why would Spidey hang out with Wade in disguise? Did either of them know hot chick was a demon thing?

 

 **Carly Shep** @Spider-butt  
@SordidDetailsFollowing @thegayspiderman Did Hot Demon know she was on a date with Spidey in disguise? Why was Thor Deadpool’s date? Is @armustdie still alive?

 

 **Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
@Spider-butt @SordidDetailsFollowing @thegayspiderman I’m alive. Barely. Y’all will not fucking believe the shit I’ve just witnessed.

  
  
**Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
After Deadpool posted on his instagram about spending the night at his own nightclub, Hellhouse, I decided to tag along and see what the Merc got up to. Y’all will not beLIEVE #DeadpoolClubWatch #thread  
|  
**Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
So we left off with Deadpool’s date being actual Thor, Deadpool’s hot friend being actual Spider-Man using some kind of cloaking device or something and Spider-Man’s date being an actual demon succubus from hell.  
|  
**Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
I didn’t know she was a succubus at the time but based on how Spidey was acting it makes sense. Boy was a smitten kitten. Not our usual Spidey behavior.  
|  
**Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
So Thor and Jenny(?) were fighting over something with her people and the Asgardians. I don’t know, I didn’t catch everything. People were getting the hell out of dodge and running out of the club like it was actually on fire. I don’t think it was but fuck it could have been.  
|  
**Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
While everyone was leaving, I ducked behind the bar for cover. I probably should have left but I CAME TO THE CLUB WITH A PURPOSE, DAMMIT. I was gonna find out what the fuck was going on. I DID THIS FOR YOU. YOU HEATHENS.  
|  
**Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
While I was crouched there I couldn’t see much (and oh my God it was so loud) and Spidey and Pool were like all the way across the floor but suddenly there was a mud pit? In the middle of the floor?  
|  
**Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
Raise your hand if you’re surprised Deadpool had a mud pit built into his club for occasions like super-powered girl fights. I like to believe Wade Wilson is better than your average frat boy but like 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄  
|  
**Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
So Thor and Jenny figured out what’s going on – that Deadpool is just messing with them – and fuckin SPIDEY, the idiot, is like “I think you’re supposed to fight IN the mud. Because it’s slippery.”  
|  
**Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
I’m choosing to believe he was acting like an idiot because of the lingering effects of the succubus thing. I refuse to believe that our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man is that much of an objectifying pig. But those are words he said.  
|  
**Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
So Thor and demon chick didn’t care for that shit at ALL. They literally united against the forces of Men, putting aside actual millenia of animosity between their people, to get revenge on these two red-spandex morons.  
|  
**Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
And this is where you guys are not gonna believe me.  
|  
**Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
Thor made Deadpool and Spider-Man strip down to their undies and do a dance battle. Masks and gloves only. Deadpool was wearing Spider-Man boxers. I couldn’t make this shit up.  
|  
**Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
I tried to get a picture for proof but this is all I could do. LISTEN I KNOW THE PICTURE IS SHIT BUT IT HAPPENED AND IT CHANGED ME  
  
  
|  
**Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
(At least we can be reasonably certain Spidey is white now. Or at least very very light skinned.)  
|  
**Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
The whole thing ended with Spidey picking up Deadpool in this amazing lift. Like, Deadpool is bigger than Spidey, but he was full over-the-head, arms extended realness. It was super hot and also confusing.  
|  
**Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
I was so in shock I didn’t spend nearly enough time ogling their seriously ripped bods but, seriously, can I get the number for the superhero personal trainer? Or the number for either of these men? Because these abs. I wanted to lick them. And I am an asexual person.  
|  
**Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
Moral of the story: next time Deadpool captions an IG post with #CometoHellHouse you go to fuckin HellHouse

 

 **Not Fucking Shakespeare** @Othelle  
@armustdie this story cleared my skin, cured my depression, and dropped $20,000 in my bank account.

 

 **Dr. Thrill** @traincat  
@armustdie you’re right I absolutely don’t believe you

 

 **Carly Shep** @Spider-butt  
@armustdie ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 🕷💩

 

 **Spiderdick** @thegayspiderman  
@Spider-butt Wait, what is 🕷💩?

 

 **Carly Shep** @Spider-butt  
@thegayspiderman Spider-poo. There used to be an L at the end but it got dropped off lol

 

 **Spiderdick** @thegayspiderman  
@Spider-butt Dude yes

 

 **Spiderdick** @thegayspiderman  
RT @Spider-butt: @armustdie ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 🕷💩

 

 **Gaybot_** @gaybot  
@armustdie Gay

 

 

 

 

 

## We Need To Talk About Spideypool

 **Buzzfeed** **● Devin Lytle  
**March 14, 2016

We know! We know! Deadpool is married, Shiklah is the Queen of the Underworld and can definitely keep a man, Spider-Man ain’t no homewrecker and his relationship with Deadpool is tenuous at best.

But, might we just propose:  
  


Spider-Man and Deadpool have been hanging out a lot lately, including but not limited to this underwear dance-battle at Deadpool’s very own club, HellHouse.

Events were hilariously detailed by twitter user armustdie.

[ Click here to check it out. ](http://saywhatjessie.tumblr.com/post/143153783450/wadewilson-parker-im-glad-peter-is-having-fun)

 

 

 

 

 

 **a n a r c h y** @foeyeahboi ᐧ 11 Apr 2016  
whoa anybody see that deadpool’s been going without his mask  
and that he’s… kinda hot

 

 **SKREEE** @novacorpsrecruit  
@foeyeahboi how dare???? he’s always been hot??????

 

 **a n a r c h y** @foeyeahboi  
@novacorpsrecruit no, yeah, duh. but he’s not scarred anymore. no scars on the pretty face

 

 **SKREEE** @novacorpsrecruit  
@foeyeahboi explain how

 

 **a n a r c h y** @foeyeahboi  
@novacorpsrecruit idk dude i was just gettin a taco by the park and there was pool. no mask. no scars. super hot imho

 

 **SKREEE** @novacorpsrecruit  
@foeyeahboi copycat?

 

 **a n a r c h y** @foeyeahboi  
@novacorpsrecruit that’s what i thought! but then he tried to pet a carriage horse and got fully kicked in the solar plexus. bones were def broken but he just got up and walked away.

 

 **SKREEE** @novacorpsrecruit  
@foeyeahboi … weird

 

 

 

 

 

 **TheRealDeadpool** ✓  
[Image: Selfie in the park, grinning next to a taco. Mask is fully off.]  
8,011,507 likes  
**TheRealDeadpool** ✓  TACO TUESDAAAAAYYY #cheesinwithcheeses #IknowitsFriday #letmelive

 **Deadpussy** YOUR FACE

 **KittKat** WOT

 **fuckyeahantiheroes** what am i looking at

 **aturgus** What’s wrong with his face? Why is everyone freaking out?

 **Othelle** @aturgus Wade’s face is known to be really really scarred. He’s famous for it. That’s why he wears the mask all the time even though he doesn’t have a secret id. This is… not normal.

 **SordidDetailsFollowing** what the happ is fuckening

 **wymoanna** I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON BUT YOU’RE THE BEST WADE!

 **foeyeahboi** I told y’all

 

 

 

 

 

 **Johnny’s Girl** @metakate ᐧ 24 Apr 2016  
Whoa, watched our boy, Webs, take down some assholes on 23rd and boy was aggro af.

 

 **Mrs. Quicksilver** @Time_Witch  
@metakate Deadpool rubbin off on him?

 

 **Spiderdick** @thegayspiderman  
@metakate @Time_Witch ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 🕷💩

  
**Spiderdick** @thegayspiderman  
@metakate @Time_Witch no but for real Spidey might need to chill…

 

 **Dawitt Jones** @dawittiest  
Spider-Man’s always been this liberal pussy, going after guys who were just trying to compliment some women. Talk about excessive fucking force. It’s called freedom of speech, you psycho!

 

 **Carly Shep** @Spider-butt  
@dawittiest good thing Spider-Man’s not a proxy of the government you absolute fucking moron. Freedom of speech doesn’t mean freedom of consequences. Having Spider-man ruin your day is a good consequence for being gross.

 

 **Kiyaar** @HannahRose  
Big thanks to Spider-Man for standing up against misogyny for me today! Catcalling is never okay, folks! It makes women feel uncomfortable and unsafe. And Spidey’s here to keep us safe!

 

 

 

## BREAKING: Hateful Hexad stage takeover of New York Stock Exchange – 05/08/2016

**CBS New York**

Animal-themed villainous tag team known as the Hateful Hexad invade the NYSE. Spider-Man and Deadpool arrive on scene to stop them.

 

 

 

 

 

 **KittKat  
** [Image: Slightly blurry photo of Spider-Man and Deadpool fighting a bunch of animal themed villains known as the Hateful Hexad. Spider-Man is kicking White Rabbit and Deadpool is getting ready to defend against Ox.]  
27 likes  
**KittKat**  I’M ON THE SCENE I’M ON THE SCENE

 **Deadpussy** Holy shit Kat get out of there! That’s so dangerous!

 **KittKat** @Deadpussy There’s like so many people here taking pictures it’s fine.

 

 

 

 **KittKat  
** [Video: 30 seconds of Spider-Man and Deadpool fighting the Hateful Hexad. You can just barely hear them quipping back and forth over the sounds of fighting.]  
92 likes  
**KittKat**  Jesus fuck, they talk a lot. #heroes #Spideypool #isthisbanter?

 **fuckyeahantiheroes** is pool actually calling webs out on his terrible puns???? is this real life???

 **Othelle** This is what we deserve, honestly. This is what all of us deserve.

 

 

 

 **KittKat  
** [Image: A poorly lit hot dog with everything on it.]  
17 likes  
**KittKat**  Police finally came to clear the crowds away from the fight but good news there was a hot dog stand the next block over.

 **Deadpussy** What a fucking anticlimax. Hope the boys are okay.

 **KittKat** @Deadpussy I’m sure they’re fine. They’re superheroes!

 

 

 

 

 

## BREAKING: Spider-Man and Deadpool wanted for the violent murders of 4 of the Hateful Hexad and resisting arrest. – 05/09/2016

**CBS New York**

Police apprehend Spider-Man and Deadpool after members of the Hateful Hexad suffer katana and web related deaths. Vigilantes flee the scene to escape justice.

 

 

 

 **Carly Shep** @Spider-butt ᐧ 9 May 2016  
Hey, quick question, what the actual fuck is going on?  
(9 retweets, 112 likes)

 

 

 

 

 

 

## Dreadful Dozens Dead Due to Dastardly Duo

 **The Daily Bugle ●** Ben Urich, Reporter  
May 15, 2016

Those fellows in masks are at it again but this time with fatal results. Police reports have come forward detailing the deaths of Bearboarguy, Gibbon, Ox, and Squid – four of the six members of The Hateful Hexad. Katanas were found sticking out of Gibbon, Ox, and Squid and a large explosion downed Bearboarguy. While these signs of violence are textbook for the Merc with a Mouth, the webbing found trapping the three victims of stabbing have led this reported to believe that masked menace, Spider-man, is an accomplice in this unjust lethal vigilantism. Bearboarguy, Gibbon, Ox, and Squid are survived by White Rabbit and Swarm, one of whom is in custody. The other being many bees in a trench coat.

 

 

 

 

 

 **Spiderdick** @thegayspiderman ᐧ 15 May 2016  
Guys????????? 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

> Dreadful Dozens Dead Due to Dastardly Duo  
>  **The Daily Bugle ●** Ben Urich, Reporter

 

 **Mrs. Quicksilver** @Time_Witch  
@thegayspiderman i’m having a whole ass panic

 

 **SKREEE** @novacorpsrecruit  
@thegayspiderman @Time_Witch dudes chill. deadpool is a MERCENARY. he killed the bad guys it’s not that big a deal

 

 **Mrs. Quicksilver** @Time_Witch  
@novacorpsrecruit @thegayspiderman BUT SPIDER-MAN NEVER KILLS ANYONE! HE’S FAMOUS FOR IT! THE ONLY PERSON MAYBE MORE FAMOUS FOR IT IS DAREDEVIL!  
FOR US THIS IS CONCERNING!

 

 **Carly Shep** @Spider-butt  
Guys there’s no way it’s true. This is a misunderstanding. Or, Deadpool tricked Spider-man or something. They are weirdly close now. Maybe Spidey let his guard down????

 

 **Dr. Thrill** @traincat  
I swear to fucking God, this better be fake. If I find out that mercenary shit fuck corrupted our boy into murder I’ll decapitate him myself.

 

 

 

 **Vaesse** @swagman3600 ᐧ 20 May 2016  
Yo, man, callout tweet for xbox user Websman1962. It’s just Overwatch, man. Don’t gotta be so aggro. [[x](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Cv3h7GMXYAEYuMy.jpg:large)]

 

 

 

 

 

 **foeyeahboi** **  
**

  
[Image: a grainy picture out a window, an orange glow in the sky making a silhouette of the city.]  
32 likes  
**foeyeahboi** Time for everyone’s favorite game: Is someone setting off fireworks from their roof or did I just hear actual explosions two blocks over? #NYCLife #heroorvillain? #wejustdontknow

 

 

 

 

 

 **Carly Shep** @Spider-butt ᐧ 31 May 2016  
OK, I am NOT satisfied with the media’s version of recent events. And Wade hasn’t posted on instagram in a couple days. So it looks like it’s up to us, motherfuckers. Time to clear our good boys’ names  
|  
**Carly Shep** @Spider-butt  
First thing’s first: have Wade and Webs been seen at any of the crime scenes after the first?

 

 **Mrs. Quicksilver** @Time_Witch  
@Spider-butt i haven’t seen anything on twitter or insta. and the news hasn’t said anything other than the method of how they were killed. it all sounds pretty circumstantial

 

 **Johnny’s Girl** @metakate  
@Spider-butt @Time_Witch Hold up! Police are talking about the webs being different from our Webs’s webs.  
Webs.  
Something about the solubility or some shit. They brought in someone from the Baxter Building.

 

 **Mrs. Quicksilver** @Time_Witch  
@metakate @Spider-butt how do we know this?

 

 **Johnny’s Girl** @metakate  
@Spider-butt @Time_Witch there’s a scientist at Baxter that has a twitch. I have google alerts for everything to do with FF

 

 **Mrs. Quicksilver** @Time_Witch  
@metakate @Spider-butt  FF?

 

 **Johnny’s Girl** @metakate  
@Spider-butt @Time_Witch Fantastic Four

 

 **Mrs. Quicksilver** @Time_Witch  
@metakate @Spider-butt Oh. Johnny’s Girl. Duh

 

 **Carly Shep** @Spider-butt  
@metakate @Time_Witch Good enough for me! Any New Yorker who could get any of this webbing? For a side-by-side? @armustdie?

 

 **Dr. Thrill** @traincat  
@Spider-butt you do realize you’re asking people to trespass on active crime scenes

 

 **Carly Shep** @Spider-butt  
@traincat Hey can you, like, get off my dick? I’m trying to clear our boy’s good name here! We’re on the same side!

 

 **Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
@Spider-butt my husband has banned me from chasing potentially deadly vigilantes (again) so I’m out. You can try @kittkat? I know that’s their instagram handle but I don’t know about twitter

 

 **✧・ﾟ:* Meow *:・ﾟ✧** @kittkat  
@armustdie @Spider-butt hello! yes! it’s me! I am into this whole thing! And I’m an unmarried twenty something who should be working on her thesis so I would ABSOLUTELY LOVE TO GO SLEUTHING FOR WEBBING

 

 **Carly Shep** @Spider-butt  
@armustdie @kittkat EXCELLENT AMAZING OUTSTANDING my bet would be go where the webbing is gonna be freshest. Where’s the most recent murder scene?

 

 **Dr. Thrill** @traincat  
@Spider-butt doesn’t matter. Actual Spider-man’s webs dissolve after two hours and he’s been AWOL for days. You won’t get a direct comparison.

 

 **Carly Shep** @Spider-butt  
@traincat THAT IS SO UNBELIEVABLY UNHELPFUL. You know what would be helpful? Find us some good pictures of how Spidey’s webbing behaves so we can compare how the fake webbing behaves. DO YOUR PART YOU FUCKING NAG

 

 **Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie  
@kittkat @Spider-butt police scanner pinged! Head on over to 7th and Commerce!

 

 **✧・ﾟ:* Meow *:・ﾟ✧** @kittkat  
@armustdie @Spider-butt GOT IT

 

 **✧・ﾟ:* Meow *:・ﾟ✧** @kittkat  
Um, guys?  
@spider-butt @armustdie @metakate @Time_Witch @traincat  
  


 

 **Dr. Thrill** @traincat  
@kittkat Okay.  
What the fuck?

 

 

 

 

 

## Webbing Spotted Above Latest Crime Scene Reads “Love U Daddies”

By ELIZABETH KEOGH and JOHN ANNESE **| NEW YORK DAILY NEWS  
**June 1, 2016

The latest string of murders assumed to be connected to web-slinging vigilante, Spider-Man, and merc with a mouth, Deadpool, has had a recent development. Webbing has been discovered above the site of the most recent incident that reads “Love U Daddies.” While police have said nothing in regards to this development and what that could mean for New York’s ‘heroes’, some have taken this to mean the person or persons responsible for the gruesome crimes may in fact be a copycat in some kind of tribute to the two men.

 

 

 

 **Spiderdick** @thegayspiderman ᐧ 1 Jun 2016  
Guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 

> Webbing Spotted Above Latest Crime Scene Reads “Love U Daddies”  
>  By ELIZABETH KEOGH and JOHN ANNESE **| NEW YORK DAILY NEWS**

 

  
**Carly Shep** @Spider-butt  
I TOLD Y’ALLL 

> **Spiderdick**  @thegayspiderman  
>  Guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 [bit.ly/2Tf3w9Y ](https://t.co/SUyv6kXFfa)

 

 

 

 **E! News** @enews ᐧ 5 Jun 2016  
Shiklah, Queen of the Underworld, tells all about her divorce from Deadpool, Merc with a Mouth, and rekindled romance with infamous Dracula. [ www.eonline.com/news/998709/ ](https://www.eonline.com/news/998709/jake-gyllenhaal-and-hugh-jackman-pull-a-hilarious-holiday-prank-on-ryan-reynolds)

 

 

 

 

 

## BREAKING: SWAT Team Confront Web Slinging Murderess in Midtown – 06/13/2016

**CBS New York**

A suspect has been cornered on the city rooftops. Although of spider-person origin, it appears New York’s original Spider-man is not responsible.

 

 

 

 

 

 **foeyeahboi  
** [Image: a blurry picture of a red figure on the back of a motorcycle. It’s unclear who or what is driving.]  
142 likes  
**foeyeahboi** Deadpool spotted! It’s fuzzy in the picture but, yes, that’s Deadpool on the back of a motorcycle and, yes, that’s a BEAR driving. #bearnecessitydeliveries #Deadpool @KittKat #youbettertakealookatthis

 **KittKat** WHERE’S HE GOING

 **foeyeahboi** @KittKat He’s heading south on 7th!

 **KittKat** @foeyeahboi BET MONEY HE’S COMING TO TRIBECA. THAT’S WHERE I AM AND THAT’S WHERE THIS FREAKY CHICK IS

 

 

 

 

 

 **KittKat  
** [Video: Two figures swinging high above the city. One is obviously Spider-Man in a sort of iron-Spider suit. Or at least with the extra legs. The other is blue and has six arms.]  
438likes  
**KittKat**  SOMETHING IS HAPPENING! SPIDEY IS BACK! LOOKS LIKE EVERYTHING IS COMING TO A HEAD! #Spiderman #Spideywatch #streetsofNewYork #returnofIronSpider?

 **Deadpussy** HOLY SHIT I WANT TO YELL AT YOU FOR PUTTING YOURSELF IN DANGER AGAIN BUT I ACTUALLY NEED TO KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING OR I’LL DIE

 **KittKat** @Deadpussy freaky blue spider person totally decimated those SWAT guys on top of Parker Industries. It’s Spider v Spider rn

 **SordidDetailsFollowing** Holy shit… Iron-Spider? Is it? It kinda looks like it but it’s different….

 **Spider-butt** I literally made an instagram just to follow this fucking hashtag. These supers are gonna be the death of me

 **Othelle** Well that’s clearly who’s been doing the webs. Now WHOT HE FUCK IS IT?!

 

 

 

 

 

 **a n a r c h y** @foeyeahboi ᐧ 13 Jun 2016  
@kittkat where you at? I need a watch buddy

 

 **✧・ﾟ:* Meow *:・ﾟ✧** @kittkat  
@foeyeahboi in front of Verve wine on Hubert! Yes please come watch with me I don’t wanna be alone

 

 

 

 

 

 **foeyeahboi** **LIVE** **👁 781**

[Video: A crowded city street at night. The camera keeps moving from the skyline to the groups of people on the street all looking up. There’s a woman next to the person holding the camera with her hands over her mouth.

A voice behind the camera says “Kat, explain to instagram what’s happening.”

The woman, we assume it’s Kat, looks at the person behind the camera. “What?”

The voice again says “I’m live on instagram. Everything was happening too fast. Catch everybody up.”

The woman is visibly flustered but she turns toward the camera. “Okay, um, I’m Kat. Twitter and instagram user KittKat. I’m here with foeyeahboi, real name classified.”

She rolls her eyes at this. There’s a snickering from foeyeahboi off camera.

Kat starts talking again. “We’re here on Greenwich across from Parker Industries watching a bunch of super heroes swing around on top of buildings and shoot guns and shit.”

“Be more specific.” foeyeahboi says.

Kat rolls her eyes again. “Okay, well Spidey’s in his iron spider thing except it’s not the Stark industries one because the legs are red and he’s got weird claw things on his hands. He left scratches on the roof over there.”

The camera moves to zoom in on a roof but you can’t really see anything. It comes back to Kat. “Deadpool showed up, all no-mask, and he still looks really hot. Not that he doesn’t look hot when he’s scarred up but he’s like handsome Squidward, you know?”

Foeyeahboi cackles from behind the camera. Kat cracks a nervous smile.

“There’s a blue chick with six arms and a weird mouth she keeps opening up sideways. She’s super murdery with katanas and guns and webs and shit. I don’t wanna say there are SWAT guys totally cut in half up there but there are definitely dismembered SWAT guys up there.”

She’s pointing towards the roof again. The camera doesn’t move.

“She’s also wearing a crop top that I totally want. It’s half Spidey face half Deadpool face. I think it’s safe to say she’s the one that webbed the ‘daddies’ thing.”

Something happens off camera and everyone, including Kat looks up and away. Someone’s voice says “They’re at the pier!”

Kat looks back at the camera. Her hands are raised to cover her mouth but her eyes are bright. “Superhero fight at a cargo terminal.”

Behind the camera, foeyeahboi just says “Classic.”

Kat lowers her hands to show her grin. “See you at the pier.”

The video stops.]

 **642 likes** **Posted to Instagram Story**

 

 

 

 **KittKat** **LIVE**   **👁 1.3k**

[Video: Camera is in selfie mode. We see the woman known as Kat. The angle is terrible, we see mostly her chin.

“Foeyeahboi absolutely refuses to be on camera so I have to narrate again. For part one, go to their story. We’re at Pier 25. We can’t get too close for obvious reasons and there’s news helicopters fucking everywhere so it’s really loud but quick update: Deadpool put his mask on and he’s fighting Spidey AND blue chick. It looks to _me_ like he’s trying to stop Spidey from killing her.”

Off camera, we hear the voice of foeyeahboi: “Spidey wouldn’t do that!”

She looks to her left, camera still focused on her chin. “He had her cornered, dude! She was in that energy thing and Spidey had her and then Pool shot at him! How do you explain that?!”

A sigh off camera and then foeyeahboi says. “Because Kat never explained: Spider-man trapped blue spider-person in a green clean energy thing.”

“I think I heard Spidey call her ‘Itsy Bitsy’,” Kat cuts in, making a face.

“Right, yeah, Itsy Bitsy,” foeyeahboi continues. “Just because he grabbed her _doesn’t mean_ he would have killed her. In fact, because Deadpool, _known mercenary_ , shot at him and is now fighting  him, I would argue Deadpool was angry because Spider-man _wasn’t_ going to kill her.”

“ _Or_ ,” Kat says, her face only barely in frame now. “Because they’re best friends now, Wade wants to make sure Spider-man doesn’t corrupt his own morals and kill her when that’s not how he rolls.”

“Then why wouldn’t Wade just kill her?”

Kat seems stumped by this and doesn’t say anything for a few moments. She then taps the screen and it turns to out-facing camera mode where the audience can now see the pier being lit by several helicopters. Small figures are leaping and flipping around each other.

Kat speaks from behind the camera. “Not sure when Spidey lost his iron legs things but I can’t hear his voice anymore. I couldn’t really hear much of anything over the helicopters but you could at least tell they were talking. Now I just hear the creepy lady taunting and Deadpool calling for Webs. I’m telling you guys, Spidey is _not_ okay.”

After this, Spider-man rips the blue chicks leg off and repeatedly crushes her into the ground with his fists. We can hear Kat making noises of distress behind the camera at the display of brutality. He’s standing over her when Deadpool decks him.

Then a smoke bomb.

“Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck I can’t see.”

“Wait… is that?”

A figure leaps from the smoke dragging another figure behind. The first figure throws the second into the bright green energy light. The blue spider woman, Itsy Bitsy, is completely vaporized along with the figure’s entire right arm..

You can hear heavy breathing behind the camera before foeyeahboi says “Did Spider-man just kill that woman?”

“No, wait, look at his arm,” Kat’s voice can be heard saying. “Deadpool’s got that healing factor. It’s gotta be–”

You then hear Deadpool’s voice screaming at the helicopter.

“You chuckleheads! Make sure you don’t edit this thing into fake news! DEADPOOL saved the day with the killing and the atomizing.”

There are some screams and applause from the crowd but mostly confused muttering.

“So wait,” foeyeahboi starts, “Deadpool was just pretending to be Spider-Man?”

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Kat responds. “But he always makes sure the media knows it was really him in the end. Doesn’t want to ruin Spidey’s reputation.” A loud breath is released behind the camera. Kat says. “He did it. Deadpool saved Spider-man.”

Foeyeahboi says “I don’t think that’s what he meant.”

The stream ends.]

 **1.1k likes** **Posted to Instagram Story**

 

 

 

 

 

 **Skylar (they/them)** @armustdie ᐧ 16 Jun 2016  
Drove under Spider-Man and Deadpool eating out of tubs of ice cream on top of the Brooklyn Bridge today. Everything seems back to normal.

 

 **Mrs. Quicksilver** @Time_Witch  
@armustdie  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 🕷💩

 

 **Spiderdick** @thegayspiderman  
@armustdie @Time_Witch I’m still not clear on what happened? Was there a costume switch or what…..

 

 **✧・ﾟ:* Meow *:・ﾟ✧** @kittkat  
@armustdie @Time_Witch @thegayspiderman cloaking device! Probably the same one Skylar saw Spidey use at Hell House. Deadpool got in close as Spidey so Itsy Bitsy had her guard down but then made sure to tell everyone it was really him. He did the murder.

 **Spiderdick** @thegayspiderman  
@armustdie @Time_Witch @kittkat oh thank god

  
  
**Dr. Thrill** @traincat  
@Time_Witch @armustdie Okay. So I agree they’re probably friends or whatever now after all that bullshit, and maybe Deadpool’s not so bad. But can we stop with the shipping?

 

 **Mrs. Quicksilver** @Time_Witch  
@traincat Never.  
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 🕷💩 ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 🕷💩 ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 🕷💩

 

 

 

 

 

 **TheRealDeadpool** ✓  
  
[Image: Selfie of Wade and Spider-man. Wade’s mask is rolled up to his nose exposing the re-scarred bottom half of his face. He’s got an arm wrapped around Spidey's shoulders and he’s kissing his cheek. Spidey is masked but he's accepting the kiss with grace.]  
13,005,764 likes  
**TheRealDeadpool** ✓  Bestest friends forever! #lookhelovesme #hessmilingunderthemask #whatsbetterthanthis #guysbeingdudes

 **foeyeahboi** Wade's a crater face again. Looks like things are back to normal.

 **wymoanna** I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH

 **SordidDetailsFollowing** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 🕷💩

 **Deadpussy** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 🕷💩

 **KittKat** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 🕷💩

 **Spider-butt** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 🕷💩

 **thegayspiderman** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 🕷💩

 **Othelle** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 🕷💩

 **fuckyeahantiheroes** you can’t prove that’s the real spider-man!! pool is always fuckin around like this that doesn’t make him gay

 **TheRealDeadpool** ✓ @fuckyeahantiheroes ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 🕷💩

 

 

 

 

 

 **The New York Times** ✓ @nytimes ᐧ 21 Jun 2016  
New York’s Spider-Man comes forward to publicly support ex-mercenary, Deadpool. “Deadpool’s done a lot of good. I’m so grateful to have him as a protector of this city.”[ https://nyti.ms/2Q4OhPq ](https://t.co/TwhQcCTaqf)

 

 **Gaybot_** @gaybot  
@nytimes Gay  
(32 retweets, 675 likes)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my submission for the Spideypool Big Bang!
> 
> Big ups to Sophie, aka [temporary-teddycup](https://temporary-teddycup.tumblr.com/), who is a fabulous human for a) putting up with me and my batshit photo needs and b) going above and beyond for this fic. You da real. Reblog the art [here!](https://temporary-teddycup.tumblr.com/post/182544063075/spideypool-big-bang-201819)
> 
> And if I ever say I want to write another social media fic, please punch me in the face. This shit is **hard.**
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks to the SPBB folks for putting this together and my betas, [Tori](https://torimouto.tumblr.com) and slytherinintj13 from Discord, for sorting through my nonsense!
> 
>  
> 
> And, seriously, if I used your handle in here and you'd prefer I change it, let me know! I'm just a moron who ran out of unique names.
> 
> Any photo in the fic that is not one of the beautiful watercolors provided by the lovely Sophie is ripped straight from the comics and photoshopped by yours truly*. I can provide page numbers and sources upon request.  
>  
> 
> Reblog the official SPBB post on tumblr [here](https://spideypoolbigbang.tumblr.com/post/182554773740/title-therealdeadpool-posted) and my personal post about it [ here!](http://saywhatjessie.tumblr.com/post/182544704475/spideypool-big-bang-2018-therealdeadpool-posted)
> 
>  
> 
> **Thanks for reading!**


End file.
